Holly F*ing Sh*t, so many feelings!

Another summer started, school ended once again but not 4 long. this year it was different, I had exams. Of course, knowing me as u do, u know I freaked out.
U know I'm always worrying about the future. I don't make plans, I don't see the point. Things never go as u plan anyways so why bother making plans if u'r not gonna stick to them? That's just my way of seeing it, but I really do think about the future.
I've been freaking out about what I'm going to do when I finish school. I keep thinking about it and I never get any answers, maybe cause I'm not supposed to get them just yet. I can ask all the right questions but I can't get any confort from asking them if I don't know how to answer them. Not knowing this stuff kills me -.-
I feel disappointed once again... I didn't do bad in school, on the contrary, I did pretty good but not as good as I wished, not as good as I wanted to, not as good as I know I could have done. I feel so bad, so sad, so disappointed at myself.
The worse thing is, I know I shouldn't feel like this. I know I did everything I could, considering the situation.
I had shitty teachers who don't know how to teach anything. In some courses, everything I learnt was pure effort. I feel good that I managed to learn something from someone who didn't teach me anything, but even so, I wanted more. I needed someone who had the ability to teach me everything I wanted to learn and everything I could learn, who pushed me to my limit so that I wouldn't have to try and do that myself. Besides wanting it, I know I deserved it! Not having someone like that when I knew I could benefit from it..
I feel like I pushed myself, I worked hard, I did all those things for me! I just wish I could have had more tools to be better, to push harder, to harder... I just wanted to be better...
God, I don't even know where I'm going with this. I feel insecure about my future, I feel like I could have done more to pursue my dreams. But I can't do it alone, and I don't know if I can do this again. So please, pleaaaase, someone bring me good teachers. Someone make this a good year for me, It's my only wish. You can even make it my christmas gift!!

Sorry about the english and sorry about the confusing mess storming in my head. Maybe some other day I'll write something u'd really like to reed, and u'd really care about.